House: Sex Kills
Sep. 1st, 2011 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kethniHouse: “Sex Kills”
Note: I don’t watch House so my knowledge of characters and existing plotlines is basically nil but I have done some research.
So, old dude, by a combination of Italian sheep cheese, sex, and medical incompetence (don’t ask), has mashed his heart to buggery. You know I’m thinking the hospital could employ a student with a medical dictionary and an 8 ball and have much the same results as House achieves. ‘Is it lupus?’ ‘… probably not’! That darn 8 ball, never wants to commit. Anyway, old dude needs a new heart but the mean old people in charge of transplants won’t give him one because he’s 66. Never mind that people are living to 80+ obviously 66 is when his little gem turns red and it’s time to call in the Sand Men.
Also, I may recognise his doctor as Dr Gant from ER. You know, the one who was being paged to a guy who’d been hit by a train and then the mashed up guy’s pager started going off because he WAS Dr Gant. Don’t throw yourselves in front of trains kids, because then they’ll try to make you operate on yourself.
What they need is a second hand heart but not one that’s good enough to be put into someone young and healthy, who probably wouldn’t need one anyway, no they need a heart nobody would ever put into a person who’s young and healthy. They need pleasantly plump lady heart! Because I guess generally they think it’s better for patients to die waiting for a transplant than get one from someone “on the hefty side”? (Cameron’s words. Bitch.)
Unfortunately pleasantly plump lady’s heart is still being used by its first owner because she’s on life support following a bad car accident. Bummer. Fortunately House is here to utterly traumatise her husband/incipient widower: Grunny! Or Ronald Neuberger, whatevs.
This is where Ronald and House start off on the wrong foot: House implies, but doesn’t actually say, he’s Mrs Neuberger’s doctor. Ronald at this point is hoping and praying his wife is going to be okay because nobody’s told him all she’s useful for now is spare parts.
Despite being twitchy with anxiety Ronald is on the ball enough to ask why House wants to know about his wife’s health. He tells House his wife, Laura, had a fever but went to her teaching job anyway. She hasn’t missed a day in years. On the shallow side, Ronald’s hair is kind of mussed up and adorable. He needs a cuddle. Not from House. Ew. Ronald blames himself for Laura going to work when she had a fever and a stomach ache.
And then it got worse. The transplant lady, who is the worst person at her job ever, assumes that a) House is Laura’s doctor and b) that he’s told Ronald that Laura is a goner and c) warmed him up for having her organs donated. All of these assumptions are wrong and it’s utterly horrible. The look on Ronald’s face as he processes being told Laura’s “organs will be treated with care and dignity” is heart breaking and it’s even worse when he starts to cry as he checks that she died. She died and they didn’t even tell him before shuffling her to the recycle bin. Transplant lady faffs around trying to apologise while Ronald collapses against the wall crying and even House, who has the emotional awareness of a dead lemming, doesn’t say anything until she tries to blame him.
Ronald still has his head screwed on and demands to know what House wanted from him in the first place. House expresses condolences and without pause for breath asks for Laura’s heart.
Later House hacks into Laura’s medical records, as you do, and is pleased to see that Laura’s organs have been declared non-viable. Not because there’s more of her to love but because she tested positive for Hep C. Because when you’ve crashed your car is exactly the time to test for a disease I guess? Anyhow, if they stick Laura’s heart inside old dude then he’ll get her Hep C and diiiiie. Bummer. But House has decided that a five minute convo with Ronald is far more scientifically valid than, you know, actual medical testing, and therefore Laura doesn’t have Hep C.
Ronald is too long to keep typing out in full and besides, he doesn’t look like a Ronald. So now he’s Ron, which will give me unfair giggles every time my best friend’s autocorrect renames her husband.
In other plotlines, hey it’s Warren from Buffy. I can’t actually be bothered recapping this stuff because it has nothing to do with anything. Long story short – he wants some drug to suppress his sex drive. He claims it’s because he has sex with cows. It’s not, it’s because he wants his mom/stepmom (it’s not clear which). Stay away from cows people, have you seen the average bull? You can’t compete with that.
Ron, who thankfully wasn’t around to hear House refer to his wife as a “dumpster”, gazes mournfully and manfully at his brain dead wife. Not in a “Janice is so stupid to treat Matt like that”, kind of way but in the “no brain activity” kind of way. (I resist the urge to make a Peter joke.) Ron looks very woobie and in need of a cuddle. The nurse, who looks like she’s waiting for her shift to end, silently asks Ron if they can just kill his wife already. He gives her a heartbroken nod. Ron: Soulful. Nurse: bored. House: suddenly in the room and turning the life support back on just as Ron is getting his snuffle on. Ron has basically two moods in the episode: teetering on the edge of tears, and angry. Given what’s happening that’s probably enough and it’s certainly more than Chase gets. He just seems vaguely confused all the time.
Ron demands to know what House is doing. House certainly isn’t endearing himself to poor old snuffy Ron. House apologises, which seems somewhat out of character, and says they have to talk. Oh noes, House is breaking up with Ron! Oh wait…
Ron and House are meeting with the most useless administrator in the world – Cuddy. So that’s two of the worst people in the world at their jobs they have working in this hospital. If Laura had been taken anywhere else in the world she’d probably have made a full recovery and been discharged by now. People die here after getting a rash from their bra for goodness sake! Anyway, Ron is again twitchy and uncertain, fidgeting and shifting from foot to foot. It’s an interesting acting choice and even before you hear him speak you can tell how churned up and confused the character is as well as being heart broken.
They play the “what Laura would’ve wanted” game for a while. House: She had a donor card, she wanted to help others! Ron: She didn’t want to be kept alive on a ventilator. (Well she won’t be alive long once they take her heart. I would be more sympathetic to House’s point here, since really I think he’s in the right, if he wasn’t such a damn asshole. If he’d not pissed Ron off royally with his earlier “antics” I don’t think he’d be having to have this conversation.) Ron gets increasingly upset, particularly when Laura is described as “meat”. How does House not get punched every episode? He’s so unrelentingly cruel and selfish. He doesn’t actually care if Dying Dad lives or dies, he just wants to win.
Ron demands that his wife be accorded some respect and dignity but he’s talking to the wrong asshole doctor. House says he respects the living, which is a flat out LIE. He doesn’t pretend to afford the living any dignity mind you. Ron calls out House on being a lying liar who lies re: misleading him into thinking that House was Laura’s doctor and therefore giving him false hope. House can’t face Ron’s eyes of barely restrained tears and looks away. He denies claiming to be Laura’s doctor but Ron has had enough! He’s taking Laura off the machines! Now!
Outside Cuddy’s office, House’s plan B landmine goes off: Dying Dad’s cute blonde daughter Amy (not Gail as House refers to her). Amy effusively thanks Ron for giving his dead wife’s heart to her dying dad. Ron is too nice a guy to bust her dreams or maybe he’s just had enough misery for one day. Either way he’s pretty much folded before House comes out and pours direct emotional blackmail on top of the indirect stuff. Ron may be nice, and devoted to his wife, but he’s not too nice to focus his understandable anger in a suitable way: by kicking House in the foundations. This makes me cheer. Sorry but I can’t stand House. How more people don’t kick him in the nuts I don’t know. Anyway, Ron gives House a look of absolute contempt as he lies in agony on the floor. There’s no sign of anyone calling security by the way, and I thought the NHS was bad at protecting its employees. Ron manfully chokes back tears and tells Amy her dad can have Laura’s heart. Amy takes all this random violence with surprising equanimity. Or perhaps she’s been around House enough to realise that kicking him in the nuts is a perfectly sensible response.
Amy’s dad hangs around dying of his bad heart while in the next room Ron holds vigil over Laura. It’s sad.
House and the gang attempt to work out what ailment Laura had before she died. No Cameron, you’re not attempting to “cure death”. Fuckwit. They need to cure Laura, even though she’s DEAD, so that the infection/disease/whatever doesn’t get passed to Amy’s dad with the transplant and kill him.
What I want to know is, who’s paying for all these tests on Laura? Not HER insurance company surely? She’s already dead. Why would they pay for her to get tests when she’s dead? And Dying Dad’s insurance company is unlikely to shell out for tests on someone they don’t cover, even if it’s for spare parts for someone they do cover. On the upside Laura did have an attractive pedicure that, were she alive, she’d doubtless be glad to be showing off while she’s shoved into the MRI for an expensive test nobody will pay for. Ron watches over them because, well, would you leave House alone with the dead body of your loved one? He’d probably use it to get access to the carpool lane at the very least.
Ron is still watching over Laura. He looks like he’s dead on his feet but still woobie and adorable. Laura’s heartbeat is irregular. Maybe it’s something to do with being brain dead huh? Oh, no, it’s whatever her underlying issue was before she crashed the car. House is ready to give up and find some other heart. This seems unlikely, frankly, House give up a mystery just because he’s getting nowhere? Anyway, Ron’s too invested now to let that happen. Laura’s death can help someone, damn it! Also that Amy was cute. Maybe he’s got a shot there. No he didn’t say that or imply it in any way. Would you blame him though? And he does like blondes. Anyhow, Ron is VERY firm, Laura isn’t “ready” and she isn’t “done”. Ron is sure, and slightly tearful, that Laura has to save “that guy”. I like Ron, he knows his own mind.
Ron gets to hang out while House and the gang again try to work out what’s wrong with Laura. If I was him this wouldn’t fill me with confidence. These people are so dumb they always make mistakes that almost kill ALL their patients! Also, House is rude about Laura some more but apologises to Ron. Apparently kicking House in the nuts gets you some measure of courtesy at least. Cam suggests that Laura has been poisoned. Ron says her tox screen was clean. House says that they don’t do tests for “really cool” toxins. House says “cool” a lot, including thinking that dying dad had testicular cancer was “cool”. Which it wasn’t. Asshole.
House despatches his minions but finds that he doesn’t have anyone to help him search Laura’s house. He can’t do it alone because then who would he have to throw to the cops while he limped to safety? He’s all alone though apart from… Ron. Road trip! Maybe Ron can take House somewhere secluded and beat him up some more. On their way out of the door, House pats Ron on the back. I don’t know if that’s a rare moment of House sympathy, sucking up to Ron in case he DOES plan to beat House up some more, or Grunny and Hugh Laurie’s friendship leaking.
Ron thinks that he’d know if Laura was taking any meds, but then he didn’t know she was dying her hair or trying to lose weight either. Aww Laura wanted to look sexy for Ron. Or she was cheating on him. Just saying. Mind you she did a really half arsed job of hiding the hair dye so I guess Ron’s simply not that observant. House is, for House, polite about Ron’s assertion that Laura wasn’t taking sleeping pills even though she had some in a drawer. I guess House is still trying to avoid another kick in the crotch. Wilson should take notes. Poor Ron, meanwhile, is starting to wonder how well he knew his wife. Well, judging by the kitchen furnishings she liked a lot of pine furniture. House is, for House, reassuring in that lying about your hair colour and hiding that you think you’re fat are not a big deal. Ron looks soulful.
Cameron has arrived with a bunch of photographs from the Laura’s desk at her school. Photographs in question are of young men in varying states of undress. The principal, Cameron avers, thinks Laura confiscated them. Who she would’ve confiscated them from is a mystery for the ages. Are pictures of half-naked teenage BOYS common currency in schools now? It’s not actually clear if they’re students or not. If they are students and Laura didn’t confiscate them then she really was half arsed about hiding things. If it was a male teacher with pictures of scantily clad girls I’m thinking there would be a lot more comment. Anyway, somehow this randomly leads them to wonder if Laura had gonorrhoea. Can’t she have a disease that’s easier to spell?
Ron wants to know what Cameron is testing Laura for now. Cameron is vague. I’m not sure if that’s because she’s worried Ron with kick her in her girly parts (I read a terrible novel recently where someone did that, the writer failed biology hard), or because she’s so dumb she genuinely can’t remember.
Winner! Laura has gonorrhoea! Ew. There’s no excuse for that in this day and age. If Laura did catch it from a teenage boy then I hope to hell that she didn’t teach sex education.
Blah blah unnecessary drama. Ron is pulled away from Laura’s bedside with nary an explanation. He assumes that this means they found out what was wrong with Laura? Everyone waits to see what House will say, and if Ron will undermine his foundations some more. Unsurprisingly House lies and says it was some other infection not related to an STD. Ron thanks him, because he’s got manners, and runs after Laura’s body as it’s wheeled off to surgery.
Poor Ron, he’s spent so much time intimately involved in this whole situation with her heart he’s not begun to have a chance to process her death. When it’s all over he’s not going to know what to do with himself.
House, chivalrous to the last, tells Cameron that SHE has to tell Ron about the gonorrhoea, “preferably before he gets any sympathy sex!” The queue for sympathy sex starts here people.
Ron watches the surgery from the balcony. He’s teary and looks exhausted physically and emotionally. Grunny must’ve had sore eyes for a week after this. Thank goodness that Heroes never realised he was good at “manfully holding back tears” acting. It was bad enough with them having Hayden blubbing all the time just because she was good at it. Cameron takes this quiet moment to approach the whole situation of Laura having an STD. I guess she’s picking now as the moment because he’s looking particularly in need of sympathy sex? Ron’s in a talking mood not a listening mood. Specifically he’s in the mood to talk about how for the past year or some Laura has been “kinda distant” and he didn’t know why but he thought maybe she was having an affair. (At this point sympathy sex women would begin taking off their shirts I think.) But no, he says, not Laura. (There go the bras.) Meanwhile Cameron looks like she swallowed a bug. This isn’t an excuse, he says, for the fact that at Christmas “while travelling” he had a one night stand! It’s a shocker because he does seem genuinely devoted. Also, Ron somehow manages to seem so genuinely guilt struck that he’s still sympathetic even though he got gonorrhoea . He knows he should’ve mentioned it but gosh darn it he didn’t want to believe he gave it to her, made her sick, and caused the accident. There are manly, sniffly tears. (Sympathy sex women’s panties wing overhead as they hurl themselves onto the bed.)
Ron kind of waits to see if Cameron will snatch away his slender consolation by telling him Laura DID have gonorrhoea, but it seems unlikely she’ll have the guts. Also, she’s probably considering how soon is too soon to jump on that sympathy sex.
…and that’s it for poor old Ron who cheated but got an STD and either a) accidentally infected his wife with gonorrhoea and therefore indirectly caused her car crash and death or b) was being cheated on by his wife with a bunch of half-naked teenagers.
It’s a woobie life.
Note: I don’t watch House so my knowledge of characters and existing plotlines is basically nil but I have done some research.
So, old dude, by a combination of Italian sheep cheese, sex, and medical incompetence (don’t ask), has mashed his heart to buggery. You know I’m thinking the hospital could employ a student with a medical dictionary and an 8 ball and have much the same results as House achieves. ‘Is it lupus?’ ‘… probably not’! That darn 8 ball, never wants to commit. Anyway, old dude needs a new heart but the mean old people in charge of transplants won’t give him one because he’s 66. Never mind that people are living to 80+ obviously 66 is when his little gem turns red and it’s time to call in the Sand Men.
Also, I may recognise his doctor as Dr Gant from ER. You know, the one who was being paged to a guy who’d been hit by a train and then the mashed up guy’s pager started going off because he WAS Dr Gant. Don’t throw yourselves in front of trains kids, because then they’ll try to make you operate on yourself.
What they need is a second hand heart but not one that’s good enough to be put into someone young and healthy, who probably wouldn’t need one anyway, no they need a heart nobody would ever put into a person who’s young and healthy. They need pleasantly plump lady heart! Because I guess generally they think it’s better for patients to die waiting for a transplant than get one from someone “on the hefty side”? (Cameron’s words. Bitch.)
Unfortunately pleasantly plump lady’s heart is still being used by its first owner because she’s on life support following a bad car accident. Bummer. Fortunately House is here to utterly traumatise her husband/incipient widower: Grunny! Or Ronald Neuberger, whatevs.
This is where Ronald and House start off on the wrong foot: House implies, but doesn’t actually say, he’s Mrs Neuberger’s doctor. Ronald at this point is hoping and praying his wife is going to be okay because nobody’s told him all she’s useful for now is spare parts.
Despite being twitchy with anxiety Ronald is on the ball enough to ask why House wants to know about his wife’s health. He tells House his wife, Laura, had a fever but went to her teaching job anyway. She hasn’t missed a day in years. On the shallow side, Ronald’s hair is kind of mussed up and adorable. He needs a cuddle. Not from House. Ew. Ronald blames himself for Laura going to work when she had a fever and a stomach ache.
And then it got worse. The transplant lady, who is the worst person at her job ever, assumes that a) House is Laura’s doctor and b) that he’s told Ronald that Laura is a goner and c) warmed him up for having her organs donated. All of these assumptions are wrong and it’s utterly horrible. The look on Ronald’s face as he processes being told Laura’s “organs will be treated with care and dignity” is heart breaking and it’s even worse when he starts to cry as he checks that she died. She died and they didn’t even tell him before shuffling her to the recycle bin. Transplant lady faffs around trying to apologise while Ronald collapses against the wall crying and even House, who has the emotional awareness of a dead lemming, doesn’t say anything until she tries to blame him.
Ronald still has his head screwed on and demands to know what House wanted from him in the first place. House expresses condolences and without pause for breath asks for Laura’s heart.
Later House hacks into Laura’s medical records, as you do, and is pleased to see that Laura’s organs have been declared non-viable. Not because there’s more of her to love but because she tested positive for Hep C. Because when you’ve crashed your car is exactly the time to test for a disease I guess? Anyhow, if they stick Laura’s heart inside old dude then he’ll get her Hep C and diiiiie. Bummer. But House has decided that a five minute convo with Ronald is far more scientifically valid than, you know, actual medical testing, and therefore Laura doesn’t have Hep C.
Ronald is too long to keep typing out in full and besides, he doesn’t look like a Ronald. So now he’s Ron, which will give me unfair giggles every time my best friend’s autocorrect renames her husband.
In other plotlines, hey it’s Warren from Buffy. I can’t actually be bothered recapping this stuff because it has nothing to do with anything. Long story short – he wants some drug to suppress his sex drive. He claims it’s because he has sex with cows. It’s not, it’s because he wants his mom/stepmom (it’s not clear which). Stay away from cows people, have you seen the average bull? You can’t compete with that.
Ron, who thankfully wasn’t around to hear House refer to his wife as a “dumpster”, gazes mournfully and manfully at his brain dead wife. Not in a “Janice is so stupid to treat Matt like that”, kind of way but in the “no brain activity” kind of way. (I resist the urge to make a Peter joke.) Ron looks very woobie and in need of a cuddle. The nurse, who looks like she’s waiting for her shift to end, silently asks Ron if they can just kill his wife already. He gives her a heartbroken nod. Ron: Soulful. Nurse: bored. House: suddenly in the room and turning the life support back on just as Ron is getting his snuffle on. Ron has basically two moods in the episode: teetering on the edge of tears, and angry. Given what’s happening that’s probably enough and it’s certainly more than Chase gets. He just seems vaguely confused all the time.
Ron demands to know what House is doing. House certainly isn’t endearing himself to poor old snuffy Ron. House apologises, which seems somewhat out of character, and says they have to talk. Oh noes, House is breaking up with Ron! Oh wait…
Ron and House are meeting with the most useless administrator in the world – Cuddy. So that’s two of the worst people in the world at their jobs they have working in this hospital. If Laura had been taken anywhere else in the world she’d probably have made a full recovery and been discharged by now. People die here after getting a rash from their bra for goodness sake! Anyway, Ron is again twitchy and uncertain, fidgeting and shifting from foot to foot. It’s an interesting acting choice and even before you hear him speak you can tell how churned up and confused the character is as well as being heart broken.
They play the “what Laura would’ve wanted” game for a while. House: She had a donor card, she wanted to help others! Ron: She didn’t want to be kept alive on a ventilator. (Well she won’t be alive long once they take her heart. I would be more sympathetic to House’s point here, since really I think he’s in the right, if he wasn’t such a damn asshole. If he’d not pissed Ron off royally with his earlier “antics” I don’t think he’d be having to have this conversation.) Ron gets increasingly upset, particularly when Laura is described as “meat”. How does House not get punched every episode? He’s so unrelentingly cruel and selfish. He doesn’t actually care if Dying Dad lives or dies, he just wants to win.
Ron demands that his wife be accorded some respect and dignity but he’s talking to the wrong asshole doctor. House says he respects the living, which is a flat out LIE. He doesn’t pretend to afford the living any dignity mind you. Ron calls out House on being a lying liar who lies re: misleading him into thinking that House was Laura’s doctor and therefore giving him false hope. House can’t face Ron’s eyes of barely restrained tears and looks away. He denies claiming to be Laura’s doctor but Ron has had enough! He’s taking Laura off the machines! Now!
Outside Cuddy’s office, House’s plan B landmine goes off: Dying Dad’s cute blonde daughter Amy (not Gail as House refers to her). Amy effusively thanks Ron for giving his dead wife’s heart to her dying dad. Ron is too nice a guy to bust her dreams or maybe he’s just had enough misery for one day. Either way he’s pretty much folded before House comes out and pours direct emotional blackmail on top of the indirect stuff. Ron may be nice, and devoted to his wife, but he’s not too nice to focus his understandable anger in a suitable way: by kicking House in the foundations. This makes me cheer. Sorry but I can’t stand House. How more people don’t kick him in the nuts I don’t know. Anyway, Ron gives House a look of absolute contempt as he lies in agony on the floor. There’s no sign of anyone calling security by the way, and I thought the NHS was bad at protecting its employees. Ron manfully chokes back tears and tells Amy her dad can have Laura’s heart. Amy takes all this random violence with surprising equanimity. Or perhaps she’s been around House enough to realise that kicking him in the nuts is a perfectly sensible response.
Amy’s dad hangs around dying of his bad heart while in the next room Ron holds vigil over Laura. It’s sad.
House and the gang attempt to work out what ailment Laura had before she died. No Cameron, you’re not attempting to “cure death”. Fuckwit. They need to cure Laura, even though she’s DEAD, so that the infection/disease/whatever doesn’t get passed to Amy’s dad with the transplant and kill him.
What I want to know is, who’s paying for all these tests on Laura? Not HER insurance company surely? She’s already dead. Why would they pay for her to get tests when she’s dead? And Dying Dad’s insurance company is unlikely to shell out for tests on someone they don’t cover, even if it’s for spare parts for someone they do cover. On the upside Laura did have an attractive pedicure that, were she alive, she’d doubtless be glad to be showing off while she’s shoved into the MRI for an expensive test nobody will pay for. Ron watches over them because, well, would you leave House alone with the dead body of your loved one? He’d probably use it to get access to the carpool lane at the very least.
Ron is still watching over Laura. He looks like he’s dead on his feet but still woobie and adorable. Laura’s heartbeat is irregular. Maybe it’s something to do with being brain dead huh? Oh, no, it’s whatever her underlying issue was before she crashed the car. House is ready to give up and find some other heart. This seems unlikely, frankly, House give up a mystery just because he’s getting nowhere? Anyway, Ron’s too invested now to let that happen. Laura’s death can help someone, damn it! Also that Amy was cute. Maybe he’s got a shot there. No he didn’t say that or imply it in any way. Would you blame him though? And he does like blondes. Anyhow, Ron is VERY firm, Laura isn’t “ready” and she isn’t “done”. Ron is sure, and slightly tearful, that Laura has to save “that guy”. I like Ron, he knows his own mind.
Ron gets to hang out while House and the gang again try to work out what’s wrong with Laura. If I was him this wouldn’t fill me with confidence. These people are so dumb they always make mistakes that almost kill ALL their patients! Also, House is rude about Laura some more but apologises to Ron. Apparently kicking House in the nuts gets you some measure of courtesy at least. Cam suggests that Laura has been poisoned. Ron says her tox screen was clean. House says that they don’t do tests for “really cool” toxins. House says “cool” a lot, including thinking that dying dad had testicular cancer was “cool”. Which it wasn’t. Asshole.
House despatches his minions but finds that he doesn’t have anyone to help him search Laura’s house. He can’t do it alone because then who would he have to throw to the cops while he limped to safety? He’s all alone though apart from… Ron. Road trip! Maybe Ron can take House somewhere secluded and beat him up some more. On their way out of the door, House pats Ron on the back. I don’t know if that’s a rare moment of House sympathy, sucking up to Ron in case he DOES plan to beat House up some more, or Grunny and Hugh Laurie’s friendship leaking.
Ron thinks that he’d know if Laura was taking any meds, but then he didn’t know she was dying her hair or trying to lose weight either. Aww Laura wanted to look sexy for Ron. Or she was cheating on him. Just saying. Mind you she did a really half arsed job of hiding the hair dye so I guess Ron’s simply not that observant. House is, for House, polite about Ron’s assertion that Laura wasn’t taking sleeping pills even though she had some in a drawer. I guess House is still trying to avoid another kick in the crotch. Wilson should take notes. Poor Ron, meanwhile, is starting to wonder how well he knew his wife. Well, judging by the kitchen furnishings she liked a lot of pine furniture. House is, for House, reassuring in that lying about your hair colour and hiding that you think you’re fat are not a big deal. Ron looks soulful.
Cameron has arrived with a bunch of photographs from the Laura’s desk at her school. Photographs in question are of young men in varying states of undress. The principal, Cameron avers, thinks Laura confiscated them. Who she would’ve confiscated them from is a mystery for the ages. Are pictures of half-naked teenage BOYS common currency in schools now? It’s not actually clear if they’re students or not. If they are students and Laura didn’t confiscate them then she really was half arsed about hiding things. If it was a male teacher with pictures of scantily clad girls I’m thinking there would be a lot more comment. Anyway, somehow this randomly leads them to wonder if Laura had gonorrhoea. Can’t she have a disease that’s easier to spell?
Ron wants to know what Cameron is testing Laura for now. Cameron is vague. I’m not sure if that’s because she’s worried Ron with kick her in her girly parts (I read a terrible novel recently where someone did that, the writer failed biology hard), or because she’s so dumb she genuinely can’t remember.
Winner! Laura has gonorrhoea! Ew. There’s no excuse for that in this day and age. If Laura did catch it from a teenage boy then I hope to hell that she didn’t teach sex education.
Blah blah unnecessary drama. Ron is pulled away from Laura’s bedside with nary an explanation. He assumes that this means they found out what was wrong with Laura? Everyone waits to see what House will say, and if Ron will undermine his foundations some more. Unsurprisingly House lies and says it was some other infection not related to an STD. Ron thanks him, because he’s got manners, and runs after Laura’s body as it’s wheeled off to surgery.
Poor Ron, he’s spent so much time intimately involved in this whole situation with her heart he’s not begun to have a chance to process her death. When it’s all over he’s not going to know what to do with himself.
House, chivalrous to the last, tells Cameron that SHE has to tell Ron about the gonorrhoea, “preferably before he gets any sympathy sex!” The queue for sympathy sex starts here people.
Ron watches the surgery from the balcony. He’s teary and looks exhausted physically and emotionally. Grunny must’ve had sore eyes for a week after this. Thank goodness that Heroes never realised he was good at “manfully holding back tears” acting. It was bad enough with them having Hayden blubbing all the time just because she was good at it. Cameron takes this quiet moment to approach the whole situation of Laura having an STD. I guess she’s picking now as the moment because he’s looking particularly in need of sympathy sex? Ron’s in a talking mood not a listening mood. Specifically he’s in the mood to talk about how for the past year or some Laura has been “kinda distant” and he didn’t know why but he thought maybe she was having an affair. (At this point sympathy sex women would begin taking off their shirts I think.) But no, he says, not Laura. (There go the bras.) Meanwhile Cameron looks like she swallowed a bug. This isn’t an excuse, he says, for the fact that at Christmas “while travelling” he had a one night stand! It’s a shocker because he does seem genuinely devoted. Also, Ron somehow manages to seem so genuinely guilt struck that he’s still sympathetic even though he got gonorrhoea . He knows he should’ve mentioned it but gosh darn it he didn’t want to believe he gave it to her, made her sick, and caused the accident. There are manly, sniffly tears. (Sympathy sex women’s panties wing overhead as they hurl themselves onto the bed.)
Ron kind of waits to see if Cameron will snatch away his slender consolation by telling him Laura DID have gonorrhoea, but it seems unlikely she’ll have the guts. Also, she’s probably considering how soon is too soon to jump on that sympathy sex.
…and that’s it for poor old Ron who cheated but got an STD and either a) accidentally infected his wife with gonorrhoea and therefore indirectly caused her car crash and death or b) was being cheated on by his wife with a bunch of half-naked teenagers.
It’s a woobie life.
