Editing

I'm nearing the end of my Creative Writing module and I'm currently doing a chapter on "editing." As part of the activity I'm doing I have to ask a friendly critic or critical friend (critical friend sounds like the worse kind of friend, no?) to read a piece of fiction and comment on it. It can be comments about the grammar, the composition, the dilaogue, character portrayals, pretty much anything. The idea is then that I go back to the piece and use what comments I can to improve the writing.

So below is a piece of fic that I started writing and never completed. I'd really appreciate any comments, but please be gentle :) 

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